January 2021 marked the 37th year of my nursing career. I have been blessed to care for patients in many different places and capacities. For the past five or so years I have been in a neurosurgical clinic preparing patients for their surgeries and supporting them post-operatively.
When COVID-19 infections started to increase, I watched from a safe distance in the clinic as the hospital and specifically the ICUs filled with patients. Internal facility email requests were sent for those with ICU experience to volunteer for shifts.
A small voice inside me told me to respond to the emails but I rationalized that I had last worked adult ICU in 1997 and pediatric ICU in 2010. Surely my skills are out of date? As well, I am a single mother and a cancer survivor since 2007. I couldn’t possibly go.
Instead, I heard another voice. That voice was louder and stronger. The more I listened, the more I felt compelled to volunteer for redeployment. I knew God was calling me.
God was telling me that I was needed. God knew that I had skills that could be of service to my patients and to my fellow nurses.
On my first day I was assigned to an ICU COVID-19 isolation area to assist the nurses caring for these very ill patients. It was overwhelming just thinking about how COVID-19 had ravaged their bodies.
I threw myself into helping in any way I could. Working alongside my colleagues, I wondered how they had coped in the past few months. Not just with the demanding physical care for their patients, but also for the emotional care they extend to worried family members who cannot visit. Zoom and Facetime are their only contact.
I recall one day as my buddy nurse was looking at our patient, tears streamed down her face. She knew that despite all the medical care this patient had been given, there truly was no way she would survive. Heartbreaking.
Sometimes I look up to the sky and ask God, “why?” Why did this pandemic happen? Why do people have to suffer so? Why do people have to be apart from their loved ones at a time when they are needed most? So many “whys?” I pray to understand. I have no answers.
What I do know is that my faith in God is strong. God chose me to help as I can. I listened. God has called me to serve in many ways.
Sometimes I don’t believe I have what it takes to do it but God always surrounds me with people to help me. Three months later, I am still in the ICU and feel I am exactly where I need to be.
I leave you with the refrain from a song that guides me, Here I Am Lord, Evangelical Lutheran Worship hymn #574.
I have heard you calling in the night
I will hold your people in my heart.*
Admit it, you just sang along! Wear a mask and wash your hands.—Susan Pearce
*(Here I am Lord by Dan Schutte, © 1981, 2003, OCP. All rights reserved. Used with permission. )
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