Welcome to the Loneliness Café.
That all experience and grow to believe this
…lifted from loneliness one cup of coffee at a time…
This is how the Loneliness Café describes itself on the website www.halifaxlutheranchurch.ca .
On a World Suicide Prevention Day during the COVID-19 pandemic, Resurrection, Halifax, painted in bold letters on their front stair risers “You are not alone. You are loved.” It became the talk of the neighbourhood and a much-loved photo op for passersby.
Loneliness is prevalent in Canada, according to a 2021 Statistics Canada report, which said that 13% of people aged 15+ report always or often feeling lonely. A Meta-Gallup survey in 2023 discovered that worldwide (surveying in 142 countries), one in four people feels fairly to very lonely.
This staggering number weighed heavily on the community’s heart. The church community was experiencing the loneliness: widows and widowers, grieving spouses, seniors experiencing social isolation, newcomers without connections, members navigating social anxiety and a general no longer knowing the neighbours post-COVID. The Loneliness Café came about as a project to address and alleviate loneliness—our own and that of the neighbourhood.
The Loneliness Café is simply coffee and conversation with neighbours. It is program-free. The church doors are open, literally, when the temperatures are above 15C. A chalk invitation on an outside blackboard, a weatherproof handwritten poster, and free social media platforms and apps is how invitations to the Café are made. Tuesdays, 9:30 a.m.–noon, congregation members, neighbours and others from the wider community come together to share coffee and conversation in the hall. What surprises new guests is that the conversation is never about the weather, it is deep and meaningful, full of experiences and ideas, hopes and fears. The community learns about the world, various cultures, history, peoples… one never knows where the morning will take the conversation.
In 2024, the congregation tracked the number of people who came through the door. Forty-nine people found a welcome. A number of congregation members regularly come and consider it their mission to be present for others. Some of our guests stay for a time while practising English as an alternative language, looking for work, awaiting permanent housing (living in the tent community across from the church), or seeking sanctuary (some a church home). Others return week after week offering hospitality for other guests and finding “home” within fellowship. The Café was not started as a ministry to bring people to church on Sundays, however, five have become regular church attenders, and five others have come to a service.
One Tuesday a month, a few bring prayer shawls to knit and sometimes tie quilts for local organizations. Available at the Café is a Loneliness Library where books can be borrowed on themes of grief, growing friendships, being happy in oneself, etc. Some who live in other places have contributed financially or donated books to the library. Occasionally workshops are offered during Café time. Last year’s included: a directed conversation on Lament, creating a hand-held ritual space, personal mantra making, and journaling through gratitude leaves.
The Loneliness Café is about being present and open. It is an expression of God’s grace that provides a warm welcome and a safe place. Rest is given from the troubles of life circumstances and griefs carried. For a few hours participants dwell together in fellowship, creating a sense of belonging, and of being home.
For those too shy to come in the doors, or seeking solace at other times, the congregation has placed an outside “Welcome Table” on the side lawn. The picnic table is for everyone to use. There is a cookie tin with “prayer box” painted on it. Passersby are invited to add their prayers to the book inside the box and help themselves to pocket hearts or prayer squares. Many take the opportunity to shelter in prayer. The prayers connect people to a spiritual home. The heartfelt and oft raw prayers are prayed aloud on our FB Live Tuesday prayers, 12:30 p.m. – 1:00 p.m.
This ministry is mindful of a tight budget. The outside table was a donation, and the prayer box and signage are simply made from recycled items. Prayer squares and hearts are made by crafters in the church. The cost to the congregation is heating the room, plus the water and electricity used. Coffee, tea and cookies are donated for Sunday fellowship hour and shared with the Loneliness Café. Sometimes participants bring pastries or muffins.
The most important thing you need to know, based on our experience, is that you never know who will come and what burdens or loneliness they bring with them. It is helpful to have a host and a supporting cast. It takes a lot of emotional energy to host a Café. At Resurrection, everyone knows that if they want to talk—really talk—with the pastor, she is available on Tuesdays at the church. If you want to get to know other congregation members more deeply, this is the place to do it. It is important for the pastor and supporting cast to be a calming presence, and to come each week with the expectation of practising patience and understanding. Facilitation skills like the ability to redirect conversations and pulling everyone into the conversation are helpful. Hosts should also be prepared to navigate mental illness, embrace neurodivergence, and tactfully address inappropriate behaviour.
The church website says; “The idea of the ‘Loneliness Café’ is to provide a safe place where people gather with others. Some will come wanting to be in the presence of others but do their own thing. Others will come for connection and to share in conversation. The Loneliness Café is a ministry of support, compassion and community.”
The Loneliness Café is our participation in bringing God’s kingdom to life in our neighbourhood. It is an expression of the ELCIC tagline: living out God’s grace and unconditional love. If you find yourself in Halifax on a Tuesday morning, this is your invitation to join us for a simple cup of coffee.
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